I'm just so scared about the surgery. I went and had a pre-op visit and they just did alot of talking to me about stuff and naturally it's of all the bad things that can happen.
I would normally write that stuff off as nothing but the fact that I have a cyst in the first place is still amazing me and I just feel like everything that can go wrong - goes wrong for me!
It became VERY surreal that the baby may not take to this surgery at all & I have spent the last 5 hours crying. The doctor made the comment "The uterus doesn't like to be touched so we are going to put you in labor & delivery after the surgery to monitor the contractions." The baby isn't viable yet - So if anything happens that's it.
I just love this baby so much already and I can't detach myself from him in case something were to go wrong...the unthinkable.
I'm just so scared. I wasn't scared until today. I thought I could totally deal with this but I can't.
The doctor waited until today to tell me that she is probably going to remove my ovary. Yes I'll still be able to have kids later but she's pretty sure that the ovary and tube are going bye-bye. That was the start of all the bad news.
I also know that my doctor is very pessimistic and she likes to think the worst of every situation and get you prepared for anything that could go wrong but this is just terrible news. I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that the baby's earth is going to be rattled and there is nothing that I can do about it.
Everyone please keep the baby in your thoughts tomorrow morning. I don't care about me I just want the baby to be ok.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
17 Week Appointment
The appointment went so well. The u/s tech lady was going through her regular procedure and right when she went to measure my cyst I saw the numbers and I knew that it got bigger. I was NOT excited about that - but she kept browsing.
She asked me if she could see the sex if I wanted to know and I told her yes. Well I saw it - It was fading in and out b/c the baby was moving around and she didn't want to say anything for sure but I said "It's a boy isn't it" and she said "well it looks like it but I wouldn't go decorating a room off of it because we didn't get a really good shot" - So she went around taking pictures of the rest of the baby and then came back to it and got a great open leg shot (which I didn't get a copy of that picture - but that's ok cause I will get one next time) and it's DEF a boy!!!
I just knew it!!! I was starting to think it was a girl there for a while but it's kinda like taking a test - You have a good guess and then out of nowhere you pick a different answer...and you end up being mad at yourself b/c the first answer you picked was right. I was starting to think it was a girl - but I knew better then to switch my decision and sure enough!!!
Then I went in to see the doctor - She gave me the bad news. She said that the cyst had gotten bigger (it's 6 inches in diameter right now!!) and she gave us some options - She didn't push anything on us. She told us that if it were to burst then I would hemorrhage because cyst's have lots of veins that run through them. I asked her if the surgery would be laproscopic and she said probably not - If she were to do it today she said that she would straight up cut into me because it's too big and she doesn't want to make it burst while she is in there with the scope. There are the advantages and disadvantages of both. She told us that she will make her decision on how she wants to do it on the day of the surgery. Laproscopic surgery would be outpatient which would be nice but after I got to thinking it might not be a good thing. I want to stay in the hospital and have them monitor the baby so in-case anything goes wrong I'm already there! So more then likely she is going to make a big incision and is going to take it out and I will be in the hospital for 3 days and then I will have a recovery period of 6 weeks. For the first 2 weeks I'm not supposed to do anything at all.
I'm not nervous about it or anything. I know that it's the right decision and I have TOTAL confidence in my doctor!! This won't be the first time that she has done it!!
Lorenzo was going to take leave starting tomorrow just to waste some days - but turns out he is going to need them, lol, so he went to work today to change his chit and take off for a whole week afterwards - and my mom is going to come down and help for the next week. So all will be well!!
She asked me if she could see the sex if I wanted to know and I told her yes. Well I saw it - It was fading in and out b/c the baby was moving around and she didn't want to say anything for sure but I said "It's a boy isn't it" and she said "well it looks like it but I wouldn't go decorating a room off of it because we didn't get a really good shot" - So she went around taking pictures of the rest of the baby and then came back to it and got a great open leg shot (which I didn't get a copy of that picture - but that's ok cause I will get one next time) and it's DEF a boy!!!
I just knew it!!! I was starting to think it was a girl there for a while but it's kinda like taking a test - You have a good guess and then out of nowhere you pick a different answer...and you end up being mad at yourself b/c the first answer you picked was right. I was starting to think it was a girl - but I knew better then to switch my decision and sure enough!!!
Then I went in to see the doctor - She gave me the bad news. She said that the cyst had gotten bigger (it's 6 inches in diameter right now!!) and she gave us some options - She didn't push anything on us. She told us that if it were to burst then I would hemorrhage because cyst's have lots of veins that run through them. I asked her if the surgery would be laproscopic and she said probably not - If she were to do it today she said that she would straight up cut into me because it's too big and she doesn't want to make it burst while she is in there with the scope. There are the advantages and disadvantages of both. She told us that she will make her decision on how she wants to do it on the day of the surgery. Laproscopic surgery would be outpatient which would be nice but after I got to thinking it might not be a good thing. I want to stay in the hospital and have them monitor the baby so in-case anything goes wrong I'm already there! So more then likely she is going to make a big incision and is going to take it out and I will be in the hospital for 3 days and then I will have a recovery period of 6 weeks. For the first 2 weeks I'm not supposed to do anything at all.
I'm not nervous about it or anything. I know that it's the right decision and I have TOTAL confidence in my doctor!! This won't be the first time that she has done it!!
Lorenzo was going to take leave starting tomorrow just to waste some days - but turns out he is going to need them, lol, so he went to work today to change his chit and take off for a whole week afterwards - and my mom is going to come down and help for the next week. So all will be well!!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
14 Week Appointment
Yesterday was my 14 week ultrasound. I had one done at 8 weeks and they were concerned because it looked like I had a cyst on my right ovary so this appt was just to follow up.
At today's ultrasound it confirmed that the cyst has quadrupled in size in the past 6 weeks. That's NOT good news! Doc said that she will do another u/s at 17 weeks and if it's bigger then she is going to have to operate.
I'm so scared that she is going to have to because of how fast it has already grown...what is going to make it slow down at this point.
Surgery is just an all around bad thing while pregnant. She said the drugs used to put me under could be harmful, the meds for afterwards & that it could also put me into pre-term labor. She had nothing good to say about it at all.
She also told me that there is nothing that I could do differently to make it slow down or even shrink. From the looks of it she said it looks malignant but she wouldn't be able to tell until it got confirmed.
The only shred of hope that I'm hanging onto is the fact that they can't define the outline of my ovary in the u/s. The did a regular ultrasound and a vaginal and got the same poor picture that isn't able to see the outline of it. However I do know that it's growing because last time the measurements were 2X2cm and now they are showing 10X8cm (around 4 inches). So no matter if they can see an outline or not it's def getting bigger.
It's just a total bummer no matter what. I'm just scared for the health of the baby...I don't care if they have to cut me open 100 times!!
Other then that we got some cute little pictures of our baby and the heart rate was 158.
I also lost 5 pounds so I am at pre-pregnancy weight which I am very proud of! I def feel bigger and my pre-preggo pants don't fit but I'm not gaining weight! I have plenty of weight to support this baby, lol.
Anyways - Onto the happy part! Pictures of our beautiful baby!!!
This one is my favorite!
You can see the baby's spine in this one.
This picture reminds me terribly of the Transformers logo.
See...
Not real sure what's going on in this one, lol.
So I have another appt on June 17th which they will do some blood work on. Then my next ultrasound the day after my birthday on June 24th! Even though it could be bad news I'm really excited to see if it's a boy or girl and they should be able to tell at that point cause I'll be 17 weeks!
At today's ultrasound it confirmed that the cyst has quadrupled in size in the past 6 weeks. That's NOT good news! Doc said that she will do another u/s at 17 weeks and if it's bigger then she is going to have to operate.
I'm so scared that she is going to have to because of how fast it has already grown...what is going to make it slow down at this point.
Surgery is just an all around bad thing while pregnant. She said the drugs used to put me under could be harmful, the meds for afterwards & that it could also put me into pre-term labor. She had nothing good to say about it at all.
She also told me that there is nothing that I could do differently to make it slow down or even shrink. From the looks of it she said it looks malignant but she wouldn't be able to tell until it got confirmed.
The only shred of hope that I'm hanging onto is the fact that they can't define the outline of my ovary in the u/s. The did a regular ultrasound and a vaginal and got the same poor picture that isn't able to see the outline of it. However I do know that it's growing because last time the measurements were 2X2cm and now they are showing 10X8cm (around 4 inches). So no matter if they can see an outline or not it's def getting bigger.
It's just a total bummer no matter what. I'm just scared for the health of the baby...I don't care if they have to cut me open 100 times!!
Other then that we got some cute little pictures of our baby and the heart rate was 158.
I also lost 5 pounds so I am at pre-pregnancy weight which I am very proud of! I def feel bigger and my pre-preggo pants don't fit but I'm not gaining weight! I have plenty of weight to support this baby, lol.
Anyways - Onto the happy part! Pictures of our beautiful baby!!!
This one is my favorite!
You can see the baby's spine in this one.
This picture reminds me terribly of the Transformers logo.
See...
Not real sure what's going on in this one, lol.
So I have another appt on June 17th which they will do some blood work on. Then my next ultrasound the day after my birthday on June 24th! Even though it could be bad news I'm really excited to see if it's a boy or girl and they should be able to tell at that point cause I'll be 17 weeks!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Working on getting to Week 14
Nothing new has really been happening...just a few updates.
My pants are getting snug and almost no longer fit!! I caved and bought a pair of preggo pants and I love em! They give me room to breath, lol.
I have been having the problem with puking for the past 2 weeks. I was under the assumption that it goes away after the 12 week mark...and well it doesn't, that's when it actually kicked into full gear. This morning I gagged while brushing my teeth and that pretty much set the tone for the day. I was sitting in the bathroom for 15 minutes after I woke up so that I didn't puke all over the house. I do love having the sickness (as weird as that sounds) because then it lets me know that everything is ok and is working just the way it's supposed to. It keeps me calm between my appointments at the doctor's office.
My next appointment is on Wednesday. We have another ultrasound and we will get to see the baby. I know that they won't be able to tell us the sex but I sure do hope that they get a good picture of the private parts so that we can at least take a good guess. I'll only be 14 weeks so I don't expect them to be able to tell us for sure...or even see for sure what our baby is.
My pants are getting snug and almost no longer fit!! I caved and bought a pair of preggo pants and I love em! They give me room to breath, lol.
I have been having the problem with puking for the past 2 weeks. I was under the assumption that it goes away after the 12 week mark...and well it doesn't, that's when it actually kicked into full gear. This morning I gagged while brushing my teeth and that pretty much set the tone for the day. I was sitting in the bathroom for 15 minutes after I woke up so that I didn't puke all over the house. I do love having the sickness (as weird as that sounds) because then it lets me know that everything is ok and is working just the way it's supposed to. It keeps me calm between my appointments at the doctor's office.
My next appointment is on Wednesday. We have another ultrasound and we will get to see the baby. I know that they won't be able to tell us the sex but I sure do hope that they get a good picture of the private parts so that we can at least take a good guess. I'll only be 14 weeks so I don't expect them to be able to tell us for sure...or even see for sure what our baby is.
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